The Internet Without Teens

PRESENTED BY SURFSHARK

Happy Thursday, Future Party. It’s been a wild ride for SpaceX stock. Yesterday morning, it was flying so high that the company’s market cap eclipsed Amazon’s. By the end of the day, though, it had lost lift and fallen 5%. If it keeps falling, expect that Tesla merger to happen sooner rather than later — you know Elon Musk isn’t going to want to lose that trillionaire status.

Everything we know as internet culture would likely stagnate without teenagers’ access to social media.

The Big Picture: Australia has already banned social media for kids under 16, the UK is poised to do the same, and several other countries and US states are on track to follow suit. There’s plenty of research showing why that may be a smart move, but how the internet could change for adults as a result is a far less studied angle.

Between The Lines: Insider imagines a world where teens are no longer chronically online.

Final Thoughts: Insider points to a 2024 episode in Brazil, when the country temporarily banned X: “suddenly the vast ecosystem of stan accounts for various pop stars — a rich and vibrant life force of the platform — fell silent.” Brazil ultimately restored access to X, and the stans came back with it.

Maybe all of this is okay, but it’s worth noting that taking teens off social media could mark the beginning of the end of the social-media era, given how dependent the business is on teenage engagement. There’s a reason so many platforms have let young users slide by for years.

The Future: If the teens go, there may be plenty of room for AI slop to take over the internet. What replaces teenage creativity and culture-making may not be another generation of users — it may be an endless stream of synthetic content. Hooray?

Ever tried looking up a quick dinner recipe, only to be ambushed by 37 ads (that somehow know your search history), 12 autoplay videos, and a partridge in a pear tree?

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The commercialization of FIFA’s new “hydration breaks” is causing a stir among players, coaches, and fans.

Why It Thirsts: Sponsoring the World Cup is a tricky game. Thanks to FIFA’s clean-stadium policy, any brand that isn’t an official sponsor can’t appear during a match broadcast. That means stadiums get renamed, and even drink logos have to be covered up. As a result, turning hydration breaks into ad opportunities has been a boon for Fox, Peacock, and advertisers — but it’s been a tough swallow for just about everyone else.

Between The Breaks: The hydration break — a three-minute pause midway through each half of a soccer match — is changing both the momentum of the game and the way it’s covered.

Last Sip: The hydration breaks were introduced after the sweltering conditions at the 2025 FIFA Club World Cup. The same is true this year, with World Weather Attribution finding that 1 in 4 games will be played in dangerous heat. 

While FIFA hasn’t said whether the hydration breaks are here to stay, you can bet they will be if the climate keeps changing the way it is.

Prediction: Powerade is this year’s hydration break sponsor, but expect the slot to become a bidding war every four years. Hydration is so hot right now.

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43.8% of you voted I don’t use Reddit in yesterday’s poll: Which best describes how you use Reddit?

“Too much other data to digest to follow a Reddit thread to its end. No time.”

“Too restrictive on language!”

“I think Reddit is one of the most wholesome and honest places on the internet (as well as the most vile). The anonymous nature of most accounts, along with the community aspect, fuels both of those facets.”

“I feel like Reddit users are genuinely writing for the right purposes. Not a lot of nonsense.”

“I love getting ideas for songs from Reddit. But people also actually communicate there. Novel idea.”

Let’s keep the conversation going. Join Poll Of The Day, so your opinions can shine. Discover how your views line up with your peers’, check out cool insights, and have some fun. It’s data with personality.

🍿 Korean cinema-tech company CJ 4DPlex is rolling out its “Shot for ScreenX” initiative with the release of Spider-Man: Brand New Day.

🎥 Invisible Narratives, the digital-content-focused studio founded by former Paramount Pictures president Adam Goodman, has raised $25 million.

🎧 Bose is starting a record label. The music should sound great.

👓 After the announcement of Specs, Snap’s stock dropped 5%. Not exactly a good look.

🙃 Allbirds, which recently shifted from selling shoes to selling AI infrastructure, has renamed itself “Smartbird.”

👀 A hacker has leaked the members of Peter Thiel’s secretive “Dialog” society. Somewhere, a Signal group chat is in crisis mode.

🚗 Carvana is rolling out “car playgrounds” as part of its dealership push.

👕 French department store BHV is boxing up its partnership with SHEIN.

🛋️ Do you want to blow up your furniture? Airmann wants to convince you.